5 Things To Make Your Halloween Complete
All Hallows Even, or Halloween, isn’t like any other holiday. Think about it—most holidays are meant to memorialize something sacred or important. Fourth of July commemorates the founding of the United States. Memorial Day commemorates, uh, people who have died. Even St. Patrick’s Day commemorates some guy chasing all of the snakes out of Ireland. But Halloween, ah ha, now there’s a unique one. Halloween celebrates nothing less than the one night of the year when the jaws of hell gape open and the forces of darkness run rampant across the earth
This makes Halloween a holiday of pure fun and thrill. Instead of giving gifts or pompous speechifying, we put on costumes, watch scary movies, and run around the neighborhood demanding that our neighbors give us candy—or else. For one night, we put all the high-minded stuff aside and just go crazy.
So, to help you celebrate your 31st right, here are 5 things to make your Halloween complete:
5. Make a disgusting food dish – Soon enough, you will be pressured to make the perfect turkey or pump out waves of sugar cookies for your friends and family. Before that pressure comes on, make something gross. It’s easy. Fruit punch is renamed ‘blood’. Spaghetti becomes brains or worms. Peeled grapes become eyeballs. You get the point.
4. Dress up – For pete’s sake, it’s the one day when you can dress like a complete nutcase and not arouse any suspicions. In fact, if you don’t wear a costume, you put a huge dent in your cool rating. Putting on something funny, scary, or flirty lets you get out of your normal, well, ‘you’ and enjoy the festivities. Do not just sit home wearing those boring khakis and that tired shirt.
3. Scare someone – Halloween isn’t complete until you’ve given someone a fright. And the more elaborate the scare, the better. Scaring 3-year olds is easy. For full points, you’ve got to make a grown adult scream.
2. Watch something scary – In the old days, some old geezer would show up and tell the spookiest story. Since most us are now unable to have our own storytelling old geezer, scary movies are the next best thing. What you choose to watch will depend on age and taste. For teens and up, I recommend Psycho, The Sixth Sense, Poltergeist, or What Lies Beneath.
1. Eat. Mass. Amounts. Of. Candy. – We are all trying to eat better and keep ourselves fit and living until we’re 150. And I wouldn’t recommend this on any other day. It’s terrible for you. But, by golly, you have one day to go nuts on the Butterfinger bars. Take advantage of it. Then be good the rest of the year.
Hope this gets you off to a good start. Note: should you be incarcerated for following this advice, remember you act of your own volition and I cannot be held liable for any damages. Have a fun, crazy, and safe Halloween, everyone!
